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Scheissenhausen's Disease is a collection of symptoms of metabolic, musculo-skeletal and psychological dysfunctions.

 

There is no medical cure for this disease. This is because the symptoms are a reflection of fitness, diet and personal development-related problems, not medical problems (and only on the rarest of occasions can you fix fitness, diet and personal development-related problems with medical solutions).

 

Scheissenhausen's Disease was first described by German metabolic physician, Gustav Adolph Scheissenhausen (8th June 1864 – 9th September 1945) in 1915. At that stage, Scheissenhausen referred to the condition as Scheissenhausen's Syndrome describing the word 'syndrome' as medical speak for ‘I don’t have a clue what’s caused it.’

 

At the Las Vagus International Round Table on Metabolic Health in February 2014, the prevalence of Scheissenhausen's Syndrome became notified as a world-wide pandemic.

 

The panel debated for over a day on whether to stick with the term 'syndrome' or elevate it's profile to 'disease'. After breaking for dinner and the consumption of vast quantities of Grange Hermitage, the meeting reconvened the next day and resolved that in keeping with the modern nomenclature guidelines relating to symptoms, syndromes, dysfunctions and diseases, the name should be changed to Scheissenhausen's Disease, mainly on the grounds that the word 'disease' sounded more important than the words, 'symptom', 'dysfunction' and 'syndrome' - not that the members of the Round table knew the difference between all four.

 

Scheissenhausen's Disease was officially incorporated into the WHO International Classification of Body System Dysfunctions (ICBSD) in March 2015.

 

Of course the word 'disease' does, indeed sound more imposing than either 'symptom', 'syndrome' or 'dysfunction'.

 

In reality, Scheissenhausen's Disease is a collection of symptoms of a range of body system dysfunctions that can be tracked back to low levels of aerobic physical activity, poor diet and a lack of personal development training.

 

The medical industry doesn't do aerobic physical activity, diet or personal development.

Scheissenhausen's Disease is diagnosed in people aged over 15 years. In 2013 it was estimated that over 800 million people, mainly from Europe, North America and the Antipodes were suffering from the dysfunction. It is predicted to grow at an exponential rate as people lead increasing sedentary lives, stuff themselves with flour and sugar, drink more and more alcohol, cola and milk and live lives that swing between stressed-out-of-their-brain and quiet desperation.

Although Scheissenhausen’s Disease develops differently for every individual, there are many common symptoms. You’re tired all the time, you lack energy and vitality. You’re over weight, in fact your trousers are so tight they’re ring-barking you. You get a thumping headache after lunch that goes away after a double shot coffee, a packet of jelly beans or a Kit Kat. You’ve got a crook guts and suffer from insomnia, brain fog, reflux, constipation, piles, sore muscles, joint pain and the deadly metabolic trinity - high blood pressure, high cholesterol and high blood sugar.

You drink too much alcohol, coffee and cola. You exist on a garbohydrate diet (yep that's a 'g' not a 'c') of fat, flour, sugar, deep fried potato and aspartame. You sit on your bum all day at work and all night at home watching TV. You never exercise.

 

There is a high likelihood you’re in the wrong job or under-appreciated at work. Similarly there is a high likelihood you’re in the wrong relationship or under-appreciated at home. There is the possibility you don’t even like yourself.

In short you feel shithouse.

Early symptoms are often mistakenly thought to be manifestations of stress, aimlessness and vacuity - and well they may - but that’s only half the problem. In general the main driver of SD is poor metabolic health. This is the reason why there is no medical cure. It’s not a medical problem; it’s a fitness, diet and personal development problem.

As the disease advances, symptoms increase. People often withdraw into their own little world spending more and more time on the couch watching Days of Our Lives and waiting for someone to post something on Facebook, eating potato crisps and Delta Cremes, drinking diet Coke and drifting off with the faeries.

Since the disease is different for each individual, it's difficult to predict how it will affect each person.

 

SD develops for an unknown and variable amount of time before becoming fully apparent, and it can progress undiagnosed for years. On average, the life expectancy following diagnosis is approximately 60 years, the last 10 sitting in a chair staring at a wall in a nursing home.

The great tragedy is people are living for years with Scheissenhausen's Disease without a clue as to what’s wrong with them or who is to blame. Some people are victims of ignorance, particularly that of their physician. Others are just plain lazy or attached to the Scheissenhausen way of life. Causation has been attributed to sloth.

 

Many victims of SD are beyond redemption. Whilst most won't lift a finger to help themselves, they're not backward in putting their hand out for free medical treatment. The only relief they get is from their tailor, chemist, barman and barista.

There are no available medical treatments that stop or reverse the progression of the disease.

When SD is suspected, the last person to see is a physician.  Current medical and pharmaceutical treatments only help with masking the symptoms of the dysfunction.

 

In the long run people's health gradually gets worse, leading to more medication.

 

Sooner or later the medications conflict with each other. Side effect on top of side effect will be treated with more medication. In the end people won’t just feel shithouse they’ll be completely stuffed.

 

In the trade this practice is known as 'preventive health'. In reality it's junk medicine, where drugs are prescribe to mask symptoms. Rarely are customers given prescriptions designed to restore poor body system function to good, let along prescribed in the right dosage.


If you're a victim of SD, your doctor may send you to the pathologist, the radiologist, the gastrologist, the astrologist and the proctologist, none of whom will be able to account for the causes of SD. They’ll slug you an arm and a leg, write out some Latinate gobbledegook and send you back to your doctor. Being unable to work out what the Latinate gobbledegook means and not knowing the underlying cause of the collection of dysfunctions - let alone the cure - the doctor will take the path of least resistance – which is to whip out the pad, scribble off a script, ask you whether it’s ‘cheque, savings, credit, PIN, paywave or sign' and send you over to the chemist. End of diagnosis, end of treatment. 'Come and see me if it gets worse and I'll write you out a stonger prescription.'

The cause and progression of Scheissenhausen’s Disease is very well understood by fitness practitioners and natural health nutritionists.


If you think you're coming down with Scheissenhausen's Disease, improve your aerobic fitness dramatically. With 800 aerabytes a week you should soon notice an improvement.

On top of that, if you embark on a regular and systematic strength and flexibility training program, stop stuffing yourself full of fat, flour, sugar, potato and milk and eat from the top of the Hourglass, get back closer to your ideal weight, lay off the grog, stop drinking cola, stop drinking milk, limit yourself to one coffee a day, get some counselling and go to a high powered personal development weekend, Scheissenhausen’s disease will start to disappear.
 

 

 

Scheissenhausen Institute - Australian Chapter

7 Salvado Place, Stirling ACT AUSTRALIA

(02) 6288 7703